I’m Merely A Scientist: Observing, Recording And Without Preconceived Notions
Hypothesis: Kerri is deliberately sabotaging me whenever she leaves town! Wait, wait, wait. I realize that first sentence doesn’t *sound* very scientific but I’m certain that’s what’s going on here. I have glass jars containing crazy liquids and Bunsen Burners and a fricken lab coat to prove, as surely as those JFK enthusiasts, that Kerri deliberately rolls our house back to the dark ages whenever she leaves town. The reason? I’m not sure so I have more science-type stuff to dig into but believe me, the Bunsen Burners don’t lie and my end result is infallible.
Here’s the background: The last few times Kerri has left town, all of the appliances started malfunctioning. I’ve written about this before but chalked it up to coincidence. When Kerri returns everything just starts working as if nothing had gone on at all, like taking your car to a mechanic and having the noise temporarily go away. (Scientific note: Is Kerri also trying to make me paranoid? Investigate further, along with that weird shadow behind me)
We paid a lot of money for this house. I mean *a lot*, like way more than my first Datsun B210 and that thing didn’t just sit in one place all the time. Our appliances are pretty nice (not great, more on that later) and have standard operating tendencies. For example, the fridge keeps things cold, the oven heats things, the washing machine cleans clothes. But as soon as Kerri left the fridge only kept itself cold… it didn’t refill the American Cheese or hotdogs and keep *them* cold. As I remove things from the fridge they no longer replenish. Sure, the dishwasher will clean things but only if I load it… same with the clothes washer. WTF?
I’ve checked the manuals and noticed that a couple of pages from each have been removed. I can only conclude that these are the pages which explain how to turn full automation back on. So what I’m getting at, trying not to be accusatory, is that Kerri knows how all the automated processes work and she turned them off before she left. Her reasons, again, will require more scientific-ish research. A stab in the dark is, she feels like if I can learn to live off the land or somehow run these appliances manually (hello flint and steel!) I’ll be a better partner for when 2012 comes ’round. If that’s the case, it’d be all cool as long as I knew about it in advance. But doing the equivalent of dropping me in the middle of the Sahara with nothing more than an auto-filling water bottle just to prove that I can perform in some potential bad situation is no way to handle things.
I’ll admit that there may be some areas of my research that need shoring up but I feel pretty confident about what’s going on. I’ll be posting to a prominent scientific journal to get their feedback but my guess is, they’ll put my notions on the same level as Einstein’s theory of relativity; Sure, it’s still a theory but it holds quite a bit of water.