Meeting Dr. Reddy

Okay so this may gross you out and it’s not very interesting so you may want to click away now.  The thing is, since having kids I’ve lost all sense of modesty so I’m totally cool with writing what’s coming up.  I’m almost dignity-deprived enough to post pictures or a video but I haven’t quite jumped from that cliff.  To the topic at hand…

I saw Dr. Reddy today who is quite likely the man who will sterilize me.  I’m thinking that he’s just younger than me which scares a bit though I can get past it.  What was remarkable about this first meeting was, we shook hands and 45 seconds later he was handling my “boys” (as in, you know… yeah, them) and then asking me to touch (in front of another person!) the little tubes that he’ll soon be cutting.  This was somehow supposed to reassure me.  Believe me, all it did was make me want to club him.

I recall working in healthcare and it’s true that you often look at human bodies as slabs of meat so I get his “matter-of-fact” handling of things.  It’s a protective measure (partially) so you don’t get emotionally attached but also, the truth is, everyone has the same body parts so nothing is really embarrassing or sexual in that environment.  Well, I rarely had to handle others’ “boys” and even when I did I feel like I was quite dainty during the whole affair.  This guy didn’t hurt me (like being kicked) but it seemed that at any moment he might just forgo the vasectomy and opt for vicious castration by yanking.  Oh yeah, he had hands the size of Shaquille O’Neil and you know everything seems ‘tiny’ in that environment.  Personally I think he was wearing fake hands on top of his tiny little natural paws just for the intimidation factor.  Who in their right mind would question those enormous hands while they grip your most tender in the nether regions?

Also (this is totally crazy!), I have to work out the schedule with my wife for when I plan on having the actual “procedure” done.  Not because we need to be sure I’ll be in town but because I can’t have it done unless she also signs a consent form!  WTF!?!?  A 13 year old girl can have an abortion without telling her parents and I can’t get the little tubes tied without my wife’s permission.  It’s no big deal for me because she knows above all others that I should not be reproducing outside of a lab… so she’ll sign.  But the mere requirement kinda pisses me off.  I mean, really.  WHAT.   THE.  F. …is up with that?